I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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