Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you didnt know i had herpes?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize