you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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