bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
