i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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