and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
