Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
