Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have feelings that need drinking.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
