party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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