I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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