if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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