are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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