you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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