now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
