listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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