Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
