Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can't put those talents on a resume
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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