What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
