She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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