just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
