Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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