Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
