also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
