Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
