i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So vagazzling was a success
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
