I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
