I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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