dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
