Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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