I'm so fucking centered right now
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
