I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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