Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Randomize