True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
