i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
