yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
