Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
