Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
