i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize