i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
