god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
