i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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