if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
