Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Your penis caused this!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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