so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'd cum for enchiladas.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
