break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
