like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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