Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
