Ambien. No doubt about it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize