He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
When are your genitals available?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
