put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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