She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
