problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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