but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There r osticjed everywhere
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
