I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
