I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
