I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
