just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
