UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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