So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
