My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
