I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
