Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize