She is in my trunk
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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