But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
