the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
