no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
