I hate your face
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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