You're so nebulous sometimes
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
