We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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