areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
