Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have already put on my inside pants.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
