Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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