After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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