More tranny stories later!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize