i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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