I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i came on her dog
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
