Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
