In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
