yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
