I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
