i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
