From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
