dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
