You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
