Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
