I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think my moral compass just broke
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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