i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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